I’ve had a few revelations in the past months regarding the way I’m thinking about my appearance and why I care about it so much. Because of this, I managed to give up on some complexes and genuinely love myself and the way I look. Moreover, I got to the point where I have clear goals which help me stay focused and organized when it comes to exercising and nutrition.
I’m 25, 1.69 m tall and my maximum weight was 66 kg.
I share my mom’s body type. We both have the hourglass shape. The easy translation is that even if we don’t take care of our bodies by eating healthy and exercising, we still have balanced proportions, although we get bigger. Because of this, it was very easy for me to enjoy all the foods I ever craved, ignoring the quantity and the fact that I wanted it at 2 am. I was also a firm believer that I will never be into sports and exercising, since it looked like I didn’t need it. However, a few years ago my metabolism decided to surprise me and started aging along with me. Even if I was still able to “look good” with the right clothes, I started to understand that my body is not that “perfect” anymore and that it is eventually reacting to everything I’ve done to it.
Ah… the pain and all the feelings I’ve had during the past years because of this…
I felt angry, frustrated, sad, guilty, ashamed, ugly, helpless, spiteful, judgmental with myself and especially with others. I constantly felt that I’m not good enough. It was enough to spot some cellulite and stretch marks on my back so that my anxiety to kick in and ruin my day.
All these feelings came slowly and gradually. My mind and the reality I was exposing myself to day by day created the context to have all those moods, so I couldn’t predict that it will have such an impact on my mental health. I didn’t have any clue that a few frustrations now and then regarding my physical appearance will reflect so strongly in the way I was seeing myself as a person. The impact was huge and before I realized it, it torn me apart.
How did this happen?
I really don’t have an answer for this. I don’t remember when this became a serious problem which threatened my mental health. Until recently, when I finally managed to understand and accept myself, the perception I had about my body was a real problem that I had no idea how to control.